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Dream Diary: May 19th 2013

While I can hardly remember what happened yesterday, today I had a good dream, though a little bit embarrassing in the middle, so here we go.

I start out at what seems to be a train station. I’m at the entrance of the somewhat L-shaped building, in the corner, where the ticket office and the ticket machines are. I tried to get a ticket fromthe machine first, but for some reason that didn’t work. I tried to go to the ticket office, and explained what kind of ticket I needed: one that would let me take my bike along on the train (I’m from the Netherlands, we have a lot of bikes here. If you want to take your bike onto the train, you have to buy a ticket for it). I’m not sure why exactly, but the person behind the table was kind of fussy about it, and I ended up outside, sans ticket. I was a bit annoyed at this point, and called home for a pickup by car. My dad has a large silver car/bus, and i can put my bike in the back. So, I sit outside waiting for my dad to show up. The area around the station seems to be a cobbled or brick road curving along the interior of the L-shape, and beyond that is a somewhat raised foresty area. Think lots of tall trees, some shrubbery, dead leaves, moss. I think my dad did show up, I aguely recall seeing a silvery shape, but I suspect he only took the bike with him.

Next I know, I’m walking along a similar looking brick road, with a hilly forest on my left, and I suspect either more forest or a grassy field, sloping down a little, on my right. Moreover, I’m pretty sure I just pooped along the roadside, since I’ve got my legging down to my knees and my skirt and shirt pulled up. As I walk along the road I try to pull things back up, but there’s people coming in the distance from both sides and I’m pretty sure they saw me take a dump, even if I don’t recall the act itself, and they were now seeing my pale naked butt. I probably looked like a total idiot there.

Somehow I manage to fix my clothing and arrive at the end of the road, where it either bends to the right sharply or has an intersection. It’s turned into a half-bricked half-dirt road by now, and everything is green and mossy, with trees interspersed. There’s a cottage or small thatched-roof farm to the left, and a brook a ways ahead. The road is behind me, and the bend goes to the right. I walked just beyond the bend, where I find three or four people talking. One of them seems to be a salesperson or a carpenter, or both. One of them I remember is grandpa, but I’m not sure if he looked like it. They were discussing a wire fence that needed to be built around a small plot of land, and the salesman was offering a large piece of branch, but it was very obviously rotten through and easily broken. As my grandpa and one or two other people left, I confronted the guy.

“What are you thinking, trying to make a fence for my grandpa with that If he’s out in his little plot of land and he turns around, and he accidentally walks into that as a post, it’ll break! And then how is he supposed to fix that fence all by himself?” I demonstrated this by simply breaking the log/branch chunk into two. It was kind of soggy andreally really rotten inside, so I did have a point. I felt a little sorry for the guy though, because I recall arranging the two pieces in the general shape they had before I broke it. he nods to me, and I keep talking to him. “Why don’t you use some sturdier wood? Like, use a small tree from the forest. Or over there, do you see those?” I point him towards the brook, where amongst the few trees flanking it, there is a rather large number of sturdy-looking fallen branches. “Why don’t you use those for the fence?” So he agrees, and goes off I don’t know where.

I walk around a little, and suddenly there’s a kid with me. He throws something into the little cluster of trees and dead branches next to the brook, or I did, and I feel kinda sorry so I try to retrieve it. I’m convinced at this point that it’s his earring. I find it, but there’s a piece missing that I couldn’t find. We go into the cottage/farm, and I try to fix it with a bead, some wire, and pliers. I attempt to use a bead as a stopper, the little bit that goes behind your ear to keep the earring in place, but it just falls off. I rummage around for something else to use, but when I turn back to the bangle in my hand it seems my brain wandered off, as I am now holding up an earring still attached to a large mess of wire, as if it was still being made from that, and once I turn the mess around to find the earring, it turns into just a mess of wire, and I gah.

Next I know, I’m flying over what looks like a flying city-fortress. It’s not that big, think a sort of stretched-out but narrower Dalaran, from World of Warcraft. The comparison is kind of apt, since I think that I either *am* a dragon, or am flying on one. I fly towards the back of the island, where a man with a quest marker over his head gives me like three or four quests to talk to people. I had to land to talk to him. So, I turn back toward the other end of the floating island, and set out to talk to these people. They’re probably inside somewhere, but there’s a little plaza here and there’s more people with yellow exclamation points standing here. So, I turn back into a dragon, or re-summon the mount, but I prefer the one where I am the dragon, and walk around a little. I talk to two orthree people who give me quests, and then proceed back to where I started out to find the entrance to the underground structures where the first guy wants me to go.

However, something goes wrong. Wrong with a capital W. I black out for a moment, and when I wake up again, I’m back where I started out, but the island has been devastated. The structures on the island, pretty as they were, are reduced to tinder. The plants are gone or scattered to bits, and there’s no trace of people. Slightly distressed, but mostly sad, I fly over the island. Only my original questgiver is still there. I try to talk to him, and I think he started his tale of sad happening, but then things faded out.

And I woke up again.

s-guy:

ectorobotic:

sleepymolester:

probably should play the music with it ok. 


image imageimageimageimageimageimageimageimageimageimageimageimageimageimageimageimageimageimageimageimageimageimageimageimagejust some ideas on after everyone won. everyone would lose they’re memories but remember some of it when they dream. karkats the only one that remembers

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This is literally the most called-for use for this image since the old-age one.

(Source: sleepyhedge)

Nudity and Nerdery: loveamongowls: Something that I’ve found to be very common in people...

loveamongowls:

Something that I’ve found to be very common in people with depression is that they don’t necessarily want to kill themselves, they just want to stop being. That’s an incredibly scary thing to feel and it’s almost impossible to explain to someone who hasn’t experienced it first hand. You don’t want to frighten people by telling them you don’t want to be alive. You don’t want them to judge you for being suicidal. And you don’t want to burden people with your pain.

But you don’t want to be dismissed either. One of the hardest things to do is sit down with the people who care about you and explain that you are frightened for your own life. That you are worried about yourself and your own safety. That even though ultimately you have control over your own actions, you are afraid that the pain will become so unbearable you do something to end it, even if it’s not what you really want.

People will try to tell you that you’re wrong. When I told my parents I wanted to die, they said “no, you don’t.” There’s no protocol for these situations, and in retrospect, I can understand that my parents were both terrified and in denial. They thought if they could convince me the problem wasn’t there, then it wouldn’t be. Problem solved. Or not.

If someone comes to you and speaks truthfully about their suicidal feelings, it’s often much more important to just listen than it is to offer a solution. Because a lot of the time, there isn’t a solution. Not one that you can give them, anyway.

I realised then that they couldn’t fix my problems. They couldn’t take away my pain or change the way I was feeling or shield me from my own thoughts. They couldn’t provide that and it wasn’t what I needed. I needed someone to say “Ok. I hear you.”

Sometimes the most important thing isn’t an answer, but validation. Never deny someone the right to feel what they’re feeling. You don’t need to fix them, that’s not realistic and it’s not your job. Your job, as a friend or a family member, is to listen and accept what they are saying. Don’t trivialize their feelings and emotions, don’t disagree with what they’re saying and don’t turn your back on them. They have chosen to confide in you, that takes more strength and courage than you can imagine.

Stephen Fry once said that it is hard to be a friend to someone with depression, but it is one of the kindest and most noble things you can do. When you support someone who is struggling, it doesn’t go unnoticed. Your empathy and kindness will be rewarded, and your friendship will be treasured.

I will never forget the people who have been with me in the darkest depths of my sadness. They aren’t the people who told me I was “fine” or who said I needed to learn to appreciate the good things. They aren’t the people who changed the subject because talking about depression made them uncomfortable. They are the people who held my hand while I cried for no reason, the ones who noticed when my smile faded, the ones who asked “are you ok?” and really wanted to know the answer.

Depression is not simple, not for the sufferer nor for the people surrounding them. It is fluid and invisible and does not follow the rules. Try your hardest. Do your best. That is all anyone can ask of you.

Reblog if you’re alive when the dates, 1/2/3, 2/3/4, 3/4/5, 4/5/6, 5/6/7, 6/7/8, 7/8/9, 8/9/10/, 9/10/11, 10/11/12 happened.

beveledaubergine:

superlockedhogwartianinthetardis:

ask-sonicandneku:

ikkitheairbender:

kevaroono:

you won’t have a chance to say this again within your lifetime, so you might as well reblog it.

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As a Whovian… That scared me.

Hey man, Some of the younger ones might see them again. 

(Source: abcdefghijklloved)

Captain Canadia: blaineheavenanderson: hey tumblr, i think we need to have a little...

shorm:

blaineheavenanderson:

hey tumblr, i think we need to have a little talk. 

sometimes i don’t think a lot of people fully understand the harm that can come from micro-aggressions that come from ourselves and our allies.

like yes, we absolutely should focus on the people who preach overt hatred; racists, queerphobes, sexists, y’know, the folks that you KNOW just by talking to them that they’re bigots. 

but as well as that (yes, we can focus on both), we need to also focus on the little things that slip through from allies and people in our own communities, because in a way, those can be even MORE harmful, because they’re supposed to be coming from people who are supposed to be part of a safe space.

just because someone’s not saying something overtly oppressive with the intention of being hurtful, (“get in the kitchen and make me a sandwich b***h!” “marriage is between a man and a woman, not for you f****ts!” “white people are superior! go back where you came from!!!”), doesn’t mean that what you do can’t be sexist, racist, cissexist, queerphobic, etc. we grow up in a toxic society, and even if deep down, you really do truly believe in human rights for all, want equality, want to be a good ally, we still internalize those toxic messages, whether we realize they are oppressive or not. so sometimes we will say or do something hurtful without even realizing! and unlearning that behaviour takes time and effort.

i’m not saying people aren’t allowed to fuck up. we all do, we’re all human, and we’re all learning. what i AM saying, is that when a person of a marginalized group approaches you saying “hey, this thing you said/did wasn’t okay, and it really hurt me!” the wrong way to react is to get defensive at said person and act like they’re attacking you. because they’re not. they’re trying to point out that you did something hurtful, because they don’t want YOU to be a hurtful person!

sometimes that person will call you out in a rather angry manner. again, you shouldn’t get defensive, and don’t tell them to calm down! why? these folks are angry for a reason, and rightfully so; they’ve probably been dealing with oppression their WHOLE LIVES. chances are, they’ve proooobably tried the whole “educating people calmly” thing. they’ve proooobably tried everything in the book in order to get it across to others that blackface isn’t okay, that wearing a bindi as a white person isn’t okay, that the t-word isn’t okay, that not every person of __ identity fits __ stereotype, etc. and you know what? people still won’t listen. so after a while? my patience would sure run out trying to be kind to people who won’t listen to me. their anger is JUSTIFIED. 

most often, marginalized folks will understand that yes you made a mistake, and realize you’re learning! we’ve all been there! but the thing is, it’s not usually the fact that you fucked up in the first place that people will judge you for, it’s how you deal with the aftermath and the effects of said fuck-up:

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okay, so you are an ally or a member of a marginalized group yourself. someone calls you out for saying/doing something shitty. what the heck do you do?

  1. DON’T GET DEFENSIVE. i mean that. THEY’RE NOT ATTACKING YOU. they’re calling you out because you’re a member of the community, or you’re an ally, or you’re a friend or a family member, they care about you, you’re an influential person in some way, or you deserve to be a person who doesn’t say shitty things! ****this includes not telling the person to calm down. doing this takes the focus off of you and your fuck-up and tells the offended party that their feelings and expression of those feelings is invalid. they have every right to be angry!!!****
  2. APOLOGIZE. and i mean sincerely. apologize for what you did. don’t try to justify why you said or did it, just straight up apologize for doing it in the first place. period. ********(this does not include faux-pologies like “sorry you were offended by what i said,” because that puts the blame on the offended party for what you did.)********
  3. PROMISE TO TRY AND DO BETTER. when you apologize for whatever you fucked up, promise to improve how you handle your behaviour in the future, and do it. simple as that. for example, if you were called out for using a slur, in the future, if you need to describe a situation regarding that slur, censor it (ex: “t****y”, or “t-word”) in your apology, and always censor it from then on. if you use the wrong pronouns for someone, apologize for misgendering them, and move on and try to remember to use the correct ones next time. if you fuck up again? apologize! just always keep trying!
  4. DON’T EXPECT FORGIVENESS. this one could be a bit hard. if you’ve really hurt someone, it could take them a while to come around, if they decide to come back around. they do not owe you forgiveness, they do not owe you anything. just keep moving on and trying to do better. if your reasons for apologizing are solely because you want to be forgiven, then that’s for the wrong reasons. you should want to do better for YOU so YOU can become a better person, and so YOU don’t hurt more people, whether unintentionally or not.
  5. DON’T ASK TO BE EDUCATED. again, they don’t owe you anything. just because they’re willing to call you out, does not mean they are willing to sit you down and tell you WHY what you did was wrong. why? they’ve probably been through this hundreds and hundreds of times. education is exhausting, and it isn’t for everyone! and NO ONE should be expected to educate you. so what should you do? educate yourself! google is your friend, friend. find people/bloggers who ARE willing to educate! they’re out there i promise! some blogs will tag stuff (ie; /tagged/racism, /tagged/transmisogyny, /tagged/cultural-appropriation) and you can peruse those on your own. 

the reason it’s so important for us to be careful about what we say and do, is because we’re supposed to be a safe space. if people who are supposed to be friends and allies to us perpetuate oppressive behaviour, then who are we supposed to feel safe with?? not to mention, if we let oppressive behaviour slide WITHIN OUR OWN COMMUNITIES, we’re also saying to privileged folks/oppressors that it’s okay for THEM to use oppressive language and actions (“but my queer friend called you ‘he!’”, etc.).

i hope this has been helpful! let me know if anything should be added or if i’ve messed anything up in any way. i don’t want to be speaking over people, so do give me feedback! and ask me questions if you have any!

。◕‿◕。

If you scrolled through this, scroll back to the top and read this again. This is probably for you.

Yes, false rape accusations happen. Run the protocol anyway. I’ve heard that perhaps the military has the highest number of ‘em. True or not, RUN THE PROTOCOL ANYWAY. Because in 15 years of investigating rape accusations, I can count those that panned out as false on one hand. Meanwhile, the one time I almost skipped the protocol, the one time I almost didn’t believe a petty officer, because I was naive as an investigator and a young woman, because her commanding officer described her as “a party girl, always late, always out drinking, don’t bother with this one”, she turned out to be the victim of one of the most brutal assaults I’ve ever investigated. She shouldn’t have still been -alive-, let alone up and making the accusation. So let me repeat: five false accounts in fifteen years. And one time I almost failed a woman ‘cause of the bullshit way it’s normal to talk about us. Take your shipmates’ word, and then run the protocol. Every. Single. Time.
 - JAG lawyer, speaking to my husband’s plant during Sexual Assault Prevention Month. (via circusbones)
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